Disgusting!

Before reading any further, please understand that this blog does not have a happy ending, nor a bad one. It is what it it. Nothing really gets resolved and there is not answer at the end. Its just me getting something off my chest!

Have you ever just felt complete disgust for yourself? It may have been something you said (cursed out a good fried) or did (one night stand), but you just really kind of let yourself down. Beat yourself up maybe? My absolute disgust came to me while spending time on my beloved facebook. So a friend of mine had something on her status along the lines of “Don’t mess with a girls heart and her money”. Without second guessing, I seconded that notion with a quote from Lauryn Hill: “never underestimate those who you scar cuz, karma, karma, karma comes back to you hard”! Now, the disgust is not on the surface of what I said, but from the heart in which it came from. It is not a secret that I without a doubt love hip hop! You can toss out any hot line and I can probably in 10 seconds or less give you the artist, album and song title from which that quote came from. Now, I don’t think it’s a secret either that I love God, but why is it a quote from the Bible didn’t come just as quick…or at all for that matter? Instead of the L.Boogie quote couldn’t I have just spat out Galation 6:7 with ? Instead of quoting Jay-Z, "A wise man told me dont argue with fools,because people from a distance can't tell who is who." Why cant I just quote Provervs 18:2? Who is Ms. Hill for me to quote? Who the heck is this Jay-Z dude for me to quote so fluently? Sure, I can quote some words from the Bible, but not only can I not always tell you what scripture it came from, but I probably couldn’t even tell you the book or whether it was the new or old testiment! Shameful!! I know my own laziness is why I can’t quote these scriptures, but does that make it any better? It’s not like the language in the Bible is too hard for me to comprehend. If I can understand Lil Wayne’s verse on T-Pain’s “Can’t Believe it”,I should be able to understand King James! Standing in the face of God when he ask me why I cant quote his scriptures am I any better than the car theif who keeps getting caught and answering to the judge every 6 months? No, not really. I know better just as much as they do, but that doesn’t stop me. Sure, I have my moments when life gets so hard that I read the Bible everyday for a week or a month or two, but how long does that last? How long does that really last before I just start leaving my Bible in the car so it’s there the one day a week (Sunday) I decide to crack it open? God knows my heart, but that doesn’t help. If anything I think it’s worst. Sometimes I wish I never came to this realiztion because if I’m really honest with myself to say I will do better is…well, I don’t know what it is. Will I actually buckle down and put it into action or will I just write this in vain? Again, this doesn’t really have a happy ending or words to encourage to do better, just venting on stuff that really bothers me…to some point right? Not enough to really change right? Disgusting! Absolutely disgusting!! Pray for the Kid!