What are you mixed with?

For those of you who constantly ask this question you have no idea what it feels like to be asked this question 24/7. To you, it's a simple question of curiosity (fair enough) but to the person in question, it's almost like saying "you're an outcast". Now, some biracial people are well rounded enough to as to where they feel comfortable in any setting, but that's not always the case. Take my friend for example. She has an african american father and a caucasian mother. But she is not Halle Berry or Alicia Keys "mixed", she is Mariah Carey "mixed", as in she looks more white than black. The question of her being mixed rarely comes up because she looks white with a nice tan...or maybe hispanic. Anywho, although by law she is african american she identifies with her moms family more. They seem more accepting. Not that her black family disses her, but when your the one marshmellow in the rocky road ice cream, you tend to stand out. I joke with her all the time about how she's trying to "pass", but I would never ask her which side she claims ( Ok, I would, but I don't think I have yet). That is a tough question to ask. You are denying a race that is 50% you if you only claim one half. Moving on...she feels somewhat comfortable around white people because in her words, "they don't have the balls to ask if I am mixed with anything". Black people on the other hand, we'll ask you what your mixed with even if you're standing next to your white mother and black father! You have to really think hard about this. Wouldn't it be a little hard for you to live life identifying with one half of your heritage better than the other half?

Now, I am not mixed...exactly. I do have a history of Indians and French and let's just say creole in my family. My hair is not like the typical "black girls hair". It's longer and curlier. I've always considered myself to be african american, but people tend to ask me what I'm mixed with. They rarely say white, but Puerto Rican, Hispanic and Indian come up a lot. Now I just tell people I'm half Russian/half Asian. I guess these questions stem mainly from my hair. I never felt different because my family never made a big deal out of it. They never told me I had "good" or "water wave hair". If anything, my mom used to tell me I "need to comb my nappy head sometimes"!! When I'm around a majority of any other race but african american, I don't feel uncomfortable, but I do notice that I am the only negro around. I feel totally at peace around my black people...until that one person ask "What you mixed with?" Right then and there I feel like an outcast. I don't look at other black girls and think "oh, she's darker than me" or "Oh, her hair is shorter than mine". They tend to point this out to me, so then my being comfortable gets over shadowed by the fact that I have "water wave hair" WTF is water wave? I mean, I know, but who made that a phrase? Anywho, before you ask someone what their mix with, keep in mind that you making them feel slightly different. I still kick it with blacks and I start everyday off new as if no one has ever asked me such a question. But like a hard headed kid who hasn't learned their lesson, I start to feel odd once someone raises the question: "What are you mixed with"?

Thank you for not judging.